And just like that the wold fell apart

But my dogs still needed training!!!

Within a couple weeks everything has ground to a halt and I went from doing 25-30 appointments a week, to not having left the house in two weeks. This time, it was not because of my depression or a mental breakdown it was because of a world wide virus that is spreading across the world like wild fire.

So I jumped into to brining my students into online dog training but I failed to realize that this was going to showcase a big fear that I have been hiding.

That I couldn’t do it anymore.  This pup right here was my soul pup.  Trainers often talk about that one dog that taught them so much about being a trainer.  Well that was Tazie for me.

This little dog put me though the wringer of emotions and taught me everything from how to teach basics to how to care for a dog with a neurological problem.  We had a wild journey that took us from Atlanta, Ga to Rochester, Ny to Birmingham, Al and finally to Jonesboro, Ar.  He was my heart dog, he got me though the pain and heartache of two failed marriages and helped me find myself again and realize I was the person I have become today.  The inspiration for Helping Paws, he was my training partner for so many years that when I lost him I lost a huge part of myself.

I’ve spoken to this before but I believe that I locked away a part of my heart and sole to keep me from ever being so bonded again.  So that when I had to suffer that loss again I would not have such a huge empty void ever again.

You may be wondering as your reading this now how this has anything to do with my students and

online classes.  Well, during a video session yesterday I realized my training techniques have become so sloppy.  I need to get back to that love of training I had with Tazie.  I though last year I had reopened it for a while when Yadi and I were doing tricks, but I think that I was just avoiding coming to terms with how burned out I had become.

After 2 weeks of being at home and not leaving the house some extra sleep, I can’t say less stress I think the stress has increased so much more but I feel so much better than I have in such a long time. I feel like I have the mental capacity to take on trying to get my mental health back where it should be.  Maybe this shutdown will not only help me get over my Compassion Fatigue but also help me to fine that bond with my own dogs that has been missing because I have been too busy and too tired to train with them.

Kona, my 8 month old Poodle can’t even do a basic sit stay and I need to fix that.  Yadi, needs to learn to stop herding and barking at our oldest son.  These are the two things I’m going to work on with both of them over the next week or two.
I’m also going to work on opening my own heart and soul back up, to find the joy I used to have when I was training.  I know I still love it.  I love working with you guys so I know I’m not done yet, but I have to find that joy I used to have.