|Marley sleeping on the job!|
When I was done picking out the candles I wanted I turned to go find him, and I couldn't! I walked from one end of the store to the other but could not find him, and I felt gripped by the fear and panic of being alone surrounded by people. As I got closer to the end of the isles that he could be on I felt like my chest was in a vice grip and I almost lost my breath. It was literally all I could do to hold on to the candles in my hands and not drop them and sit in the middle of the floor and cry. Once I got to the end of the isles I turned to see him behind me about half way across the store. By the time he got to me I was completely shut down and couldn't even talk, or look up at him.
This was the first time in a very long time that kind of fear has taken hold of me, but it's also the first time since my accident that I've been alone when I wasn't training. I'm usually training (which as I mentioned in my last post is my safety mask) or I'm with a friend that I trust.
When I got back home Marley girl came to my rescue. She got in my lap and did DPT (Deep Pressure Therapy) and forced me to engage with her, instead of allowing me to fall into disassociation and avoidance. She helps me stay in the here and now and I need that most. Especially right now.
The picture above was from a few days ago, she was doing DPT for me and feel asleep! I love this girl so much. I love Yadi he is my boy, but he is not a cuddlier and will not stay on my lap for very long. Marley also likes to get on my chest and that calms me so fast, and though "calming" is not a task it defiantly helps pull me back from a full blown panic attack and keeps me from falling into that avoidance that I talked about, and for me those two things are tasks.
So this morning I woke up and realized that I this is a perfect opportunity for me to talk about my experiences with training Service Tasks and how much they help. I can't talk about what I do with my clients but I can talk about what I do for myself.